It is hard to imagine writing the birth story of my three
little girls without starting at the beginning, not the beginning of labor, but
where it all began at 8w5d. Pretty much
all of my journey has been documented, so I won’t go into too much detail. But I think I will highlight a few events and
milestones, as they all played a part in my decision for their birth.
Be sure to use the
bathroom and grab something to drink and eat before reading.
Milestone 1: 8w4d
I knew I was pregnant around 4w. Taylor and I have this track record of
beginning to discuss the timing of another baby only to discover we were
already pregnant.
This pregnancy was no different. We were pretty sure that bay #4 was “IT” for us. When we first go married I wanted 4, he wanted 3. After Josie I wanted 3 and he wanted 4. Given the fact that we were discussing timing it was obvious that we both wanted 4. It wasn’t long after finding out the news that I contacted my midwife and told her we would be needing her assistance for a second HBAC in late May. I was in a group on facebook for HBAC moms and was so eager to share another homebirth story and this time have beautiful photos of another peaceful birth.
This pregnancy was no different. We were pretty sure that bay #4 was “IT” for us. When we first go married I wanted 4, he wanted 3. After Josie I wanted 3 and he wanted 4. Given the fact that we were discussing timing it was obvious that we both wanted 4. It wasn’t long after finding out the news that I contacted my midwife and told her we would be needing her assistance for a second HBAC in late May. I was in a group on facebook for HBAC moms and was so eager to share another homebirth story and this time have beautiful photos of another peaceful birth.
The afternoon of 8w4d I began to bleeding out of the
blue. After changing my panty liner for
the second or third time I decided I should probably call my midwife. She spoke so calmly to me and said it probably
wasn’t anything but just in case to get in bed and just rest. She suggested trying to get in and see my OB
the next day (Friday) just to have peace of mind before the weekend. As stone faced as I could I told Taylor I
needed to be in bed and would try to make an appointment in the morning. Once in bed, by myself, the tears began to
flow. Was I losing the baby? I prayed.
I prayed a lot. I even prayed, “Lord,
if losing this baby is your will.” I
completely lost it when I uttered those words.
I could not fathom how the loss of a baby could be God’s will. Once I prayed it I was able to sleep. All night, however, with every little bodily
function I thought this is it, this is my body’s way of passing the baby.
8w4d was the first of many times I tearfully and fearfully
prayed for God’s will.
Milestone 2: 8w5d
With Evelyn and Lucy as my ultrasound buddies the tech
announced I was having twins. A few
seconds later she corrected herself when she declared there were three babies
alive and growing in me. My reaction was
a mix of awkward laughter and tears. She
asked if I was ok. My first reaction was
“I was supposed to have this baby at home.”
Immediately I became terrified that these babies would have to be born
via cesarean. Clearly, I had not yet
grasped the enormity of the road ahead.
Tearfully, with Evelyn and Lucy by my side, I waited in the
US waiting room for the images to take to my OB. I called Taylor whose first words out of his
mouth were, “I’m sorry, babe.” He thought
we had lost the baby. So you can imagine
he too was shocked when I said we were expecting triplets. He thought I was lying and was laughing, I
too had an awkward laugh. But when my
laughter turned to tears he knew what I was saying was the truth.
In my OB’s waiting room the first thing I did was post in
the VBAC facts and Improving Birth group asking if it was possible to birth
triplets vaginally. I think in the time
I waited to see my OB I had already read 1 or 2 articles about triplet vaginal
births and had been added to a Birthing Multiples Naturally group. I felt that not all hope was lost on a
vaginal birth.
Most of my impromptu appointment with my OB and the med
student was a blur. He mentioned
something about TTTS (twin to twin transfusion), that was just mumbo-jumbo to
me. The only thing on my mind was how
the babies would be born. I couldn’t
imagine recovering from a cesarean with 6 children under 4.
Milestone 3: Monoamniotic/Monochorionic
(MO/MO)
Several days after my initial appointment and ultrasound a
fellow multiples mom messaged me on facebook.
She said it looked like two of my triplets were sharing the same
sac. She informed me that with Mo/Mo
babies that even the most naturally minded doctors birthed these babies via
cesarean because of extremely high risks.
Another triplet mom who had a pair of Mo/Mo twins friended me on
facebook and shared a wealth of knowledge with me. She prepared me for the reduction conversation. She added me to two Mo/Mo support
groups. I shared what I was learning with
Taylor but I am not sure much registered with him at the time. I think he was still processing three
babies. Nothing was definitive yet. I cried a lot in secret. I couldn’t imagine the possibility of
reducing the pregnancy.
The short journey of figuring out if babies A and B were
Mo/Mo was stressful and a roller
coaster. For a few weeks we thought for
sure they were not Mo/Mo and then another US indicated that maybe they
were. I wanted the genders to be a
surprise. But at a 14w with two US techs
I was OK with finding out their genders to know if we could rule out
Mo/Mo. If they were opposite genders we
would know for sure they were not Mo/Mo. It was too hard to tell their gender,
back to anxiously waiting. It was not
until my first appointment with MFM and a nearly 2 hour US that we ruled out
Mo/Mo.
Milestone 4: TTTS
We went to my first Maternal Fetal Medicine appointment at
17w3d. It was a long US with the tech,
maybe an hour or two and then the MFM joined us and he continued the US to
check things for himself. We
definitively ruled out that we had a pair of Mo/Mo twins. We discovered that we had a set of identical
triplets and not a set of twins and singletons.
We discovered also that there was already a discrepancy in fluid levels
between babies A and B, a primary indicator for TTTS. Discovering TTTS this early in the pregnancy
had a worse prognosis than a discovery in the late 2nd/early 3rd
trimester. This US was the Friday before
Christmas and just a day or two before my parents were flying into town.
The doctor wanted to
see us back in 10 days to check the fluid levels, at which point Taylor asked
how quickly things could develop. The
doctor said things could go south in a day, in a week, or in 3 weeks. There was no way to really know. I am not sure if the doctor sensed our fear, primarily Taylor’s
as I was already knowledgeable about TTTS and also in denial that this could be
our reality, or if the doctor was also concerned because he grabbed my notebook
and wrote down his cell number. He
instructed me to call him Sunday to schedule an off-the books, after hours,
Christmas Eve ultrasound. You cannot
imagine how this comforted me.
He called his parents and sister in Houston and I called my
parents and let them know that it was very likely that we would be making an
emergency trip to Houston to have a procedure done to address the TTTS. Upon posting on my triplet page that we had a
possible TTTS diagnosis I was almost immediately added to a TTTS support
group. Taylor and I had arguments about
providers in Texas, types of procedures, and whether or not family was too
involved.
Sunday in church, sitting with my parents, I was quite
teary-eyed. The pastor had me explain
our situation to the congregation so they could pray. If the US indicated that the fluid levels had
worsened we would be heading to Houston immediately. It was the first time I put words to my
greatest fear, we could lose one or all three of the babies during the
procedure.
Our Christmas Eve ultrasound indicated fluid levels had
stayed the same and both of their bladders were emptying and filling up, both
good signs. We had another ultrasound 4
days later which showed the same thing as the previous ultrasounds. We could breath again. We continued to monitor for TTTS throughout
the pregnancy, but as things remained stable from week to week we knew the
girls did not have TTTS.
Milestone 5: Viability & 28w
At 24 weeks, viability, I hit a wall. I didn’t think I had it in me physically and
especially mentally to carry all three babies to at least 32 weeks, let alone one
more week. My baby shower happened
around the time I hit viability and that gave me a surge of mental strength to make it to my
next major goal of 28w.
At a prenatal visit around 25w I told my OB that just a week prior I was ready to just have him cut me open and take the babies out. Carrying triplets is no walk in the park.
At a prenatal visit around 25w I told my OB that just a week prior I was ready to just have him cut me open and take the babies out. Carrying triplets is no walk in the park.
32 weeks is the average gestation at which triplets are
born. So when I reached 28 weeks I had
this whole new view of my pregnancy and a surge of energy. I felt like there was an end in sight and
that end, if I only made it to 32w, would still result in healthy, viable, and
decently sized babies. At 28 weeks is
when I allowed myself to really start thinking about vaginal birth as a viable
option. I allowed myself to read birth
stories and begin drafting my birth plan.
I needed to make it to 32 weeks gestationally for each baby, for both of
my providers to feel comfortable with a vaginal birth.
Milestone 6: 32 weeks
When I checked into
my 32w appointment with MFM the receptionist said to me, “Hannah, I think this
is going to be your last appointment. I
think those babies are going to come any day.”
Taylor and my good friend/doula/midwife came to the
appointment with me. We had our routine
ultrasound and then the MFM told us we would meet across the hall so we could ask questions and discuss things. I thought this was odd because all of our
discussions always took place in the US room.
I figured this would be our big talk about scheduling an induction, this
was the one way I could ensure both providers were at the birth and increase my
chances of a vaginal birth. I had made it to 32 weeks, I could now birth
these babies vaginally. It was at this
appointment that we realized baby B’s growth was slowing down, it had dropped
about 15% in the last week and she did not score in a range on the BPP that
made the MFM comfortable. It was at this
appointment that he reminded us that baby B likely had a smaller portion of the
placenta and that they were may be concern with restricted blood flow once A’s
cord was cut. In his opinion a vaginal
birth was off the table, although he reminded me that it was still ultimately
my decision. After this appointment I
went up to Labor and Delivery to receive my first round of steroid shots and
one of many NSTs (non stress tests). We
were possibly looking at having these babies two days later on Sunday.
My NST came back great.
My MFM made the recommendation that I come in twice a week for
NSTs. If I made it to 34 weeks I would
see him again for another BPP. I think
he was pretty sure he would not see me again.
I spent the next two weeks researching monochorionic complications,
births, etc. Friends told me to take a
break from the research and just be in the moment in the last few days/weeks of
my pregnancy. I couldn’t. I needed to know that when my babies were
born, whether vaginally or cesarean, I made my decision with as much knowledge
as I could so that I could look back on the experience with as few “what if’s”
as possible. A realization I had early
on in my pregnancy was that I wanted my girls born in as peaceful a setting as possible,
whether that was vaginal or cesarean. I
also decided around 33 weeks that I did not want my babies born out of
fear. At my 33 week appointment with my OB apologized for the way Evelyn's birth went. He believed I was cut unnecessarily by my previous OB and thought that experience and the doubt that it put in me really was affecting me in this pregnancy. Until I hit 34 weeks the scenario
that brought me the most peace, even though it had the most variables, was a
vaginal birth.
The plan I made with my OB at 33 weeks was that we would
schedule an induction on April 21. If I
went into labor before that and baby B was not yet measuring 32w gestationally
I was ok with a cesarean. We also decided that at my 34w appointment
with MFM that my OB would also attend so we could have a meeting of the minds
and make informed decisions from there.
When I showed up to MFM for my 34w appointment everyone was
surprised.
My blood pressure, which had been slowly rising throughout
my pregnancy but still never got higher than 130/74, was elevated. The nurse asked if I was ok, if I had any
headaches, was seeing spots, etc. I
figured it was white coat induced high blood pressure. I was not worried. I went on to have my US, all the babies had
gained weight, including baby B. The
tech asked if I had a headache or was seeing spots. When she finished the MFM came in shortly
after and asked if I was feeling ok, checked my complexion, etc. He didn’t say much during the appointment but
told us that we would go into a consult room and chat. My BP was high and so he ordered a HELPP
panel, I went for another NST and his recommendation initially was have the
babies as soon as possible via cesarean. My OB was supposed to join us at the
appointment that morning, but after 24 hours of being on-call with a lot of
births he didn’t go to work that day but instead went home to rest. He agreed to come to the hospital later in
the afternoon and meet up with Taylor, myself, and MFM to discuss our next
course of action. In the meantime Taylor
went home to relieve the baby sitter, I set up childcare for the next 24 hours,
I called my mom, and he called his folks as they were all planning to come within
the week anyway.
We all gathered around 3:30 PM and my results from the HELLP
panel had already come back. My
platelets and blood count were low, there was trace protein in my urine, and my
BP was still elevated but not dangerously so.
My platelets and blood count were dangerously low but they would not
rise within the next week (35w). With
having a distended uterus there was concern that it may not contract back, that
there may be a lot of blood loss and trouble with my blood clotting. They both felt that I wouldn’t necessarily
gain all that much in terms of the babies health by staying pregnant one more
week. I already knew from my consult
with the head of neonatology that my girls would likely just be feeders and
growers at this point anyway. So with
Taylor supporting me with whatever decision, I made the choice to schedule a
cesarean the next morning. Nothing in my
pregnancy yet indicated the babies had to come NOW. And as I mentioned, I wanted my babies born
as peacefully as possible. Making the
decision to have them the next day, at 34w3, would allow me to birth them in a
non-emergent situation. We asked to go home
and neither of the doctors had an concern with that. We were to report back by 4AM for my
scheduled 7AM cesarean.
The Birth
I got home Monday evening around 5PM. I wanted to spend time with the girls one
last time before the triplets arrived. I
also had a laundry list of things I still wanted to get done: Abby’s afghan
needed to get finished, I wanted to send off Sunday school curriculum, finish
packing my bags, and start pumping milk.
I spent all pregnancy looking at my breast pump sitting in the corner of
my living room. The one night I needed
it it was no where to be found. I tried
hand expressing for about 20 minutes and produced about 2ml of milk. I decided to just let that go. I also decided that I would just finish the
afghan another time. I sat on the floor
in the girls room as Taylor made them a fort and read them a story. (Note to self: don’t build forts at
night.) It took forever for them to fall
asleep. Around 9PM or so Taylor told me
I should head to bed soon, as it would be an early morning. I putzed around on the computer and watched
TV for another hour or so.
At 10PM I joined
Taylor in bed, still with a cough I had been dealing with for over 3 or 4
weeks. It always got worse whenever I
laid my head down. It was no different
that night. I had 3 hard coughs and then
felt a gush at which point I said, “Ohhhhhh shit.” Taylor had a feeling what that meant and I
confirmed it when I told him I was pretty sure my water just broke. We turned on the lights, saw that the fluid
was clear, and began making our way to the hospital. Immediately I got butterflies in my
stomach. I knew with such small babies
and how quickly each of my previous labors shortened in length that these girls
could come quickly. I was pretty
frightened that they would come before we got to the hospital and then I had an
unrealistic fear that Baby A’s cord would prolapse, even though she was not in
position for this to happen. Before I
even got out of bed I called my OB on his cell phone. He didn’t answer! I left a text: “My water just broke, we are
going to the hospital.” Next I called my
doula and she told me she would meet us there.
Taylor brought me a pair of depends before I got out of bed. We both prayed the whole way to the
hospital. I called my OB again in the
car and there was still no response. A
few minutes later I received a text from him, he was on his way and they were
expecting me at the hospital.
Taylor dropped me off at the Assessment center. With a trembling voice I told the security
guard, “I am pregnant with triplets and my water just broke.” To which he replied, “ok, I’m going to need
you to fill out this paper.” I could not
believe it, I filled it out and then said again in a more stern voice, because
maybe he didn’t understand, “I have three babies in my belly and my water
broke.” He replied, “have a seat and we
will get someone with you in a minute.”
I walked over to the little waiting area outside the triage room for a
nurse and saw no one. At this point
Taylor showed up and I explained what just happened, the look on his face when
he realized no one had yet attended to my care was priceless. He let himself back into assessment and
hunted down a nurse. Not long after a
nurse brought me into triage and seemed a bit casual as she was taking my
information. She seemed surprised when I
said I just spoke with my OB he said you guys were expecting me. They did not act as though they were
expecting me. She was getting ready to put me in an assessment room, a room
that was not equipped to monitor triplets.
I thought this was bizarre.
Another nurse came in the room and said that they were expecting me
upstairs in Labor and Delivery. At this
point they allowed Taylor to join me and we were wheeled upstairs.
20 minutes had passed since my water broke and contractions
had started and were strong. I took my
very last belly picture. A few minutes
later my doula showed up. It didn’t take
long for her to realize I was in active labor.
The nurses were running around rather frantically. Apparently there were three other babies in addition
to mine that would be admitted to the NICU that night and so the births needed
to be spaced out so make sure there was enough NICU staff. And my understanding was I was not first in
line for an OR. About 25 minutes after
my water broke my contractions were 90 seconds long and 2 minutes apart. I was laboring on the side of the bed and
wanted both Taylor and my doula present, but I didn’t want to be touched. I heard the nurse say they would give my
doctor a 30 minute heads up before he needed to leave his house for the
hospital. 30 minute heads up!? All I could think was, “oh my God there is
not going to be a doctor present when I push this first baby out. I had already made up my mind that I would
get an epidural and have a cesarean. I
was mentally prepared for that type of birth.
I was most definitely not prepared any longer for a vaginal birth of
triplets, especially without my OB. I
told my doula I was so scared. She
reassured me that everything was ok and there was no need to birth these babies
in fear. About 28 minutes after ROM I
agreed to get into bed to monitor the babies and my contractions. Surprisingly the contractions were not as bad
as I thought sitting reclined in the bed.
Once I got into bed I started feeling pressure. The nurses asked me if I wanted to be
checked, they knew my birth plan said no cervical checks. I told them I wanted it. I was 6cm.
I was feeling pressure. With
every contraction I clenched my cervix, the opposite of what you should do when
birthing a baby. It was at this point
that my doula called my OB and said I was about to have the first baby, he was
already on his way, speeding in the rain.
All the while the nurses were watching the machines, running in and out
of the room, but not watching me and my pattern of labor. The nurse, realizing my doula was on the
phone with my OB, asked to speak with him and let him know everything was ready
on their end. A few minutes later I was
wheeled into the OR and my OB was anxiously awaiting my arrival. In the end, both he and I were waiting for
the nurses to take me back to the OR.
All the while I was
still terrified of giving birth and then I had an epiphany sitting on the OR table
that I had given birth to two babies vaginally and we all survived and it was
then that I realized if Baby A decided to born right then she and I would live
and I all of a sudden felt a wave of peace come over me and I finally let my
cervix relax. My fear was gone but I was still not in a
place mentally where I could birth all three babies vaginally. A minute or two later I got my epidural. That shit hurt and it was the one time during
the labor that I cried.
My doctor knew Baby A could come at anytime and the epidural was taking a while to set in so they tilted the table back and my feet were in the air. My OB said, “Hannah, I’m not sure you ever imagined you would be in this position pregnant with triplets.” We both laughed. A few seconds like that and we were all prepped for surgery and I was so relieved.
My doctor knew Baby A could come at anytime and the epidural was taking a while to set in so they tilted the table back and my feet were in the air. My OB said, “Hannah, I’m not sure you ever imagined you would be in this position pregnant with triplets.” We both laughed. A few seconds like that and we were all prepped for surgery and I was so relieved.
It took him the longest to get Baby A out and I remember him
saying “she is really down there.” And
then a few seconds later I heard her crying (11:53PM).
The room erupted in cheers, the nurse showed her to me for a split
second and whisked her away.
Next came Baby B (11:55PM), crying her little lungs out and again everyone cheered. They showed her to me and I got close enough to give her a kiss but in an instant she too was whisked away. Next came Baby C (11:56PM), she was silent and I knew that to mean she was having trouble breathing and so I was not surprised when she was not shown to me. Taylor immediately went to the adjoining room to be with the babies and my doula stayed by my side. My OB was thrilled to tell me that my placenta looked fabulous, my uterus was in great shape, and the bleeding was fortunately not an issue. He said once he removed Baby A both the other girls shot head first for my cervix. It was in this moment that I internally questioned my decision for the cesarean. He stitched me up with a double layer suture. Throughout the procedure the nurses, the other attending OB and my OB commented on how amazing it was that I carried the babies to 34w, how healthy my insides were and how healthy the babies were.
Next came Baby B (11:55PM), crying her little lungs out and again everyone cheered. They showed her to me and I got close enough to give her a kiss but in an instant she too was whisked away. Next came Baby C (11:56PM), she was silent and I knew that to mean she was having trouble breathing and so I was not surprised when she was not shown to me. Taylor immediately went to the adjoining room to be with the babies and my doula stayed by my side. My OB was thrilled to tell me that my placenta looked fabulous, my uterus was in great shape, and the bleeding was fortunately not an issue. He said once he removed Baby A both the other girls shot head first for my cervix. It was in this moment that I internally questioned my decision for the cesarean. He stitched me up with a double layer suture. Throughout the procedure the nurses, the other attending OB and my OB commented on how amazing it was that I carried the babies to 34w, how healthy my insides were and how healthy the babies were.
Once I was all stitched up they took out my epidural, that
was terrifying because I was completely numb and they rolled me off the table
nearly perpendicular to the floor to remove it, all the while being held up by
two nurses. I was so relieved to be back
on the table. Once the epidural was out
I was transferred to a different bed that allowed me to sit upright, at which
point I was wheeled into the adjoining room to see the babies. The room was filled with people. Each baby had one or two nurses, there was a
respitory specialist and a neonatologist. Each baby was in their own warmer and
were being fed formula. It all was a
surprise to me, I half expected it with Betsy because I knew her glucose levels
might warrant it. Bonnie was brought to me first, this was the
first time I ever cried following a birth.
Next they brought me Abby, I think.
And I was able to hold both of them at the same time. Next I got to hold Betsy. Bonnie and Betsy were both on room air and
Abby needed a tube. I wasn’t able to
hold them long as they were concerned with their body temperature. I also noticed that all the vernix had
essentially been cleaned off of all of them, even though as I was being cut
open I told one of the nurses I did not want the babies washed. She assured me that would not happen. In those few minutes I was with all three
girls I was not in the state of mind to second guess, question, or advocate for
my girls.
In hindsight now I know that for temperature control the
best thing to do for a baby, even a 34w baby, born via cesarean, is to put them skin to skin with mom or dad. I know that glucose can be checked within the
first 2 hours and that if there is indication of glucose issues that one of the
best things to do is put baby to breast.
I also learned that Bonnie and Betsy had 1 and 5 minute APGAR scores of
8/9. These two girls were healthy and
stable. They were not in the room long
enough with me for the APGAR to even be administered and to allow me the chance
to have them on my chest, even just for a brief moment.
Next I was taken back to my labor and delivery room to
recover for an hour or two. I had the
chills and was exhausted but managed to ask the nurse for a pump. I was told there would be one waiting for me
in Mother/Baby. Two hours passed and I
was taken up to Mother/Baby. There was
not a pump and so I asked for one. The
Mother/Baby nurse told me one would be coming.
Nearly 10 hours passed from the time the babies were born that I was
given a pump. I reacted to either one of
the meds or the epidural and I was itching constantly. It made it close to impossible to get any
kind of rest. I was given Benadryl to
relieve the itching, the itching didn’t subside and come to find out Benadryl
is not one of those safe to give meds if you plan to breastfeed. I requested food and was brought a liquid
diet as is standard following a section.
Everything, except for the broth, had sugar and my blood sugar dropped
making me nauseous. I was a hot
mess. All the while my nurse never
acknowledged that I had babies or that they were in the NICU. At shift change I asked for something
different to help with the itching. She
gave me stadol. She told me it might
make me drowsy. Whoa, that was
strong. Within minutes of swallowing it
I was passing in and out of sleep. I
would be talking to Taylor one minute and out cold the next. I remember falling asleep with a boiled egg
in my hand on my way to my mouth. By
this time, I think it was 10 or 11 AM, Taylor had already gone to see the babies, my epidural had been worn off for
several hours and I was ready to see them.
The stadol and not yet warn off and so as he wheeled me to the NICU I
was still drifting in and out of sleep.
I am pretty sure my speech was slurred as I spoke with the NICU
nurses. I had never been separated from
any of my girls for longer than a minute or two. The 10 plus hours that passed until I saw
them made it extremely difficult to bond with the babies for the first 24-48
hours. I even remember telling the NICU
nurses, in my slurred speech, that the babies did not feel like they were mine
yet I was feeling simultaneously guilty for taking so long to see them. It took me even longer to feel like I had the
right to hold them and even touch them. Taylor,
on the other hand, bonded with them almost immediately. He napped for a few hours after the birth but
then went to the NICU early in the morning and spent an hour or two there. Having three babies and babies that were
bottle fed really allowed him to establish a great bond with them. Almost immediately I felt like the three of
them replaced me, he was in love and wanted to spend every waking moment with
them. This warmed my heart.
Tuesday afternoon my MFM stopped in to see me. Hhe affirmed that my decision to have the
cesarean was the right one as my BP was still elevated. Later that night the pain became unbearable
and started to cry a lot. Taylor asked
what was wrong and I began weeping, “Why the hell would I decide to be cut
open. Who the hell chooses to be cut
open.” Immediately he shut down my train
of thought and declared “No! You
sacrificed your body for these girls.
You gave them life for 34 weeks and carried them this long. They are healthy. You sacrificed yourself for our family. I am so thankful for what you did.” In this moment I realized that what I
accomplished was nothing short of miraculous.
I felt like a warrior. (I still
cry every time I relive this moment). Wednesday during the day I was at peace
with my decision and again Wednesday night doubt set it again. Thursday, my legs were more swollen then they
had ever been and my BP spiked to 189/100.
It was at this moment that my doubt began to subside. About a week after the birth the doula who
was encapsulating my placenta posted information about the placenta and their
cords. In her examination she discovered
that Betsy’s cord had a velamentous insertion.
With this type of cord the chances of IUGR and growth discordance is
great. It is considered risky in just a
singleton birth. If the cord was close
to the cervix there was also an increased chance of abruption and still
birth. Her cord was barely hanging on by
a few blood vessels. She believed Betsy
to truly be a miracle baby. When I read
this I knew my intuition to have these babies via cesarean was right. All doubt
had been removed. And again it was hard
not to marvel at my pregnancy and their birth.
Ultimately, I wanted to be the one who made the decision for
my birth and how my girls entered this world.
I was. I am at peace with my
cesarean. I would still choose a
cesarean if the same situation presented itself. There are still aspects of the birth and
especially postpartum care of the babies that bother me. I am allowing myself to feel what I want to
feel when I want, completely free of any guilt.
I gave them life and I love them fiercely.
At 8w4d I thought I was losing our baby. The next day I discovered that God blessed
and entrusted us with 3 babies. We had moments along that way that were
frightening and prayed for God’s will, even if it meant losing one or all of
our babies. We all expected I would go
on bed rest, I did not. I was at
increased risk of developing gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia given that
I was carrying multiples. I had two
weeks where my sugars tested moderately high and then they remained in the
range of normal for the duration of the pregnancy. Every time I showed up for a prenatal
appointment both with my OB and MFM and babies and I were healthy they were
amazed. My MFM was really surprised when
I showed up for an appointment still pregnant at 34w. As we all discussed my birth plan at 34w2d
they both said I was their most successful triplet pregnancy and congratulated
me on such a healthy pregnancy. My
triplet pregnancy was essentially complication free. In the end I birthed 3 healthy girls, two of
which were on room air immediately, the other followed 24 hours later. The NICU nurses and doctors were amazed as
well. God knew all along what lay before
me and He was faithful to the very last detail.
My faith and walk with God deepened in a way I cannot put to words. Every time I doubted He proved Himself over
and over and in an ever so gently way.