A thank you to my donors!

When I found out baby #4 was actually 4-6 I cried for all kinds of reasons. One reason I cried was over breastfeeding.  With my 3 singletons it wasn't even a question in my mind that I wouldn't breastfeed.  I was fortunate to have an abundant supply, only 1 brief run in with mastitis, 1 milk bleb, and 1 baby who struggled with latch for 5w. Most of the time I enjoyed it. They night weaned themselves around 7 months.  It was convenient and of course had health benefits. So when I heard "you have triplets" I cried out of guilt. I didn't think I could breastfeed 3 babies and I didn't think I wanted to breastfeed 3 babies.  I crie because I thought I would not be able to provide something for my babies because there were 3 of them. It wasn't their fault. It wasn't my fault.  Breastfeeding was an important part of how I mothered my babies. I didn't know how to mother without the boob. So I cried.

A few weeks into my pregnancy I discovered a small world of mothers who pumped and nursed for their triplets. This gave me hope that it was physically possible.  I saw that there were a lot of ways that moms fed their babies: a combo of formula and boob, bottle and boob, donor milk, breastmilk til they came home from the nicu, breastmilk til they reached their due date, and so on.  All these options have me hope and allowed me to think outside the box.  So I set my goal for feeding the triplets.  I wanted them to have breastmilk their first year but it didn't matter as much to me how they got it.  The milk could come to them in the form of a bottle with my pumped milk or donor milk. It could come with them directly at the breast. And I jokingly said, if they have to get it off the floor then so be it.

Weeks before we even made it to viability I had donor milk in my freezer and more donors lined up waiting to fill my needs.  Before these babies were even born I had more than 2 shelves in our large freezer filled with milk from donors.

When I struggled to pump enough or find the time to pump I had names and numbers of moms I could contact. I had moms sending me messages asking about my supply, asking if they could donate.  Sometimes moms would be out and about and have just 3oz and would offer to bring it by the house.  Moms picked up milk from other moms to bring it to me.  These moms, mostly friends, all wanted to help me give these babies breast milk.

Like I said, most of my donors were my friends. One time or another we had seen each other's boobs while nursing.  With some we shared personal information about our marriages, birth traumas, and other intimate details.  I knew these women.  I knew if their milk was good enough for their baby it was good enough for mine.  But for donors I did not know they always offered up their diet, if they occasionally ate fast food, how many cups of coffee, any medical history that might have been relevant. In the end I had so many women offering to help that I could turn down anything I did not feel comfortable with. But truth be told, there wasn't a single mom's offer to help that raised any red flags.

One evening at LLL with the babies there were 4 women in a room of about 12-15 who at some point had given milk to the babies.  I wonder if the babies could smell the familiar milk on those moms.  

Nursing, pumping, the use of donor milk, and providing formula are all very personal decisions.  It's not for any of us to say how or what a mother should feed her baby. 

 I know some people looked at me sideways when they discovered I gave my babies donor milk. It's not for everyone, I get that.  The babies are 11 months tomorrow and I know now I will be able to reach my goal of 1 year of breastmilk. I also know that without my donors my goal would not have been met.  I am pretty sure I could have pumped enough milk in those first 6 months before the babies latched, but at what cost?  At the cost of not spending anytime with any of my six kids?  At the cost of falling even deeper into depression?  My donors saved what little sanity I had. My donors bought me time with my kids. My donors bought me much needed dates with my husband. My donors gave me a few extra hours of sleep. My donors afforded me bi-monthly fellowship with other moms.  My donors took the pressure off. My donors allowed me to work at latching all my babies. My donors got me to 12 months of breastmilk to my 3 babies.  It took a community to nourish these babies.  

I wish I could do more to show my appreciation for the thousands of ounces of milk offered by the 20-30 moms. 

Thank you!  Thank you for the amazing gift you gave to my girls and to me!!  Thank you!  A thousand times over, thank you!  

And now here are some things to know/ask/expect with donor milk:

* I have been a recipient and a donor of milk so I know first hand what goes into giving and receiving.

1)  I would not pay for donor milk unless It is coming from a milk bank.  I would not trust the milk coming from an individual wanting to make money.

2). When receiving milk offer any of the following: money for gas, milk storage bags, breast pads, ingredients for lactation cookies, supplements, a meal, a Starbucks gift card, shout out on social media, photos of the baby receiving the milk.

3). I asked these questions about the mother before accepting milk: diet, drink, smoke, meds, supplements, date milk was expressed, storage.

4) I have tasted just about every milk donation. I figured if I wasn't willing to taste it then I shouldn't offer it.

Today I made a bottle because I was at my wits end and I'm appreciative for that option!