A little more whole

I have consistently had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the past week.  The babies have been sleeping beautifully (at night).  There have been a few nights that all 3 slept 12 hours. Unfortunately my bedtime is not between 5-6PM or I would get similar sleep!  I have also been consistently taking a low dose of medication to help with PPD. Between the sleep, medicine, and a good diet I have felt like a new person in the last week.  

My PPD often shows itself in a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde kind of way.  It's not something I am terribly proud of but it isn't something I can completely control.  The diet we are on helps.  Getting sleep helps.  Getting a break and time for myself helps.  Having all of those things occur within a day is ideal, But not realistic.   I had a few days, in their entirety, where I was able to stay even keeled, even on days that Taylor was working.  I was so proud.  I think the girls could sense it to.  

Evie and Lucy picked these flowers for me today. They smell so delicious!

These pretty significant developments have prompted me to do a few things that make me happy and have the energy to actually follow thorough with those things!!  Earlier in the week I made the girls dresses.

 Tonight I made about a dozen bows. On a side note, I was never a bow person. Then 3 girls turned into 6. I can't justify spending the money buying them but I would and could totally make them.  Once I got started I couldn't stop. Knowing that the girls are excited about them only adds to my desire to keep making more.

When I am exhausted and overwhelmed Taylor often bares the brunt of it.  He works long and crazy hours then he comes home or wakes up from a night of work and jumps right in.  He has been teaching the girls how to play frisbee. He helps around the house. He puts the big girls to bed almost every night he is home.  He is not without his faults but I cannot imagine another man capable and willing to do this with me!  

Sorry, was that totally cheese ball?  Ha!

Father daughter dance last weekend.

Today at MOPS we made these little notebooks to write down things about our spouse that we love, appreciate, etcetera.  I don't really communicate as much as I should with him along the lines of appreciation, affirmations, etc.  I don't always follow through with the crafts. This one I did. During lunch and dinner I decided to include the girls.  We thought of different things we love about daddy, things he does with us, and so on.

Taylor asked "is Father's Day coming soon?"  Maybe that's telling about how little I say to him to show my appreciation, ha!  

Tonight, once the girls were in bed we had an impromptu date.  He made mango margaritas from scratch and we played Rummikub. We played games all the time before kids. We even played Clue and Apples to Apples just the two of us!  The drinks aren't on our diet and neither was the sushi we got for dinner from China Wok. Who cares!  

I started writing all of this to say that today I have felt more like ME than I have in a long time.  Sleeping babies are amazing!  The time I took to make the bows today, even pinning tutorials on Pinterest filled me up a bit.  Drinking the margaritas (thought not necessary) and playing the game with Taylor also helped me feel a bit more whole.  

Is it bedtime yet?

I started to scoop cottage cheeseinto the   vitamix to make a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie for the girls, per Lucy's request. I then moved onto the peanut butter when Lucy exclaimed,"no peanut butter!" As though I had commited the most heinous of crimes. "I only want ice."  Perplexed I asked, "you only want ice or do you want a smoothie?"  "I want a smoothie and ice but no peanut butter."  I made the smoothie and in the process of grabbing mason jars to serve them in I dropped one in the drawer, breaking it. I left it  there as I served the smoothie, grabbed 3 screaming babies, 2 of which had leaked in their bed and on their clothes.  , the drawer was high and deep enough to keep most little hands out, it could wait. 

Fast forward to changed diapers and relative calm.  I am sitting on the toilet when Evie comes bursting into the room, crying, holding out her finger that is dripping, dripping, with blood. Panicked I yell, "what happened?!"  "I fell!"  I heard no crashes, nothing shattered.   It was quiet and calm, well, for a house of six little girls.  I grabbed the nearest towel, wrapped it around her and told her to hold it there. 

"Show me where you fell."  She walked me to a clean area of the dinning room. "I fell here and I cleaned up the blood."  "You did not fall here. Tell me the truth, where did you fall?"  She walked me to the kitchen and pointed to the floor, there was nothing that could have possibly caused the gash. I looked around, the drawer with the broken glass was open. "Did you touch the glass?"

  "I wanted some water."

  "Some water? Are you kidding me? With a broken glass?  That is not safe! Don't ever touch broken glass."  It took 3 band aids to hold the blood and two nosey sisters chirping "I didn't play with glass."

I held Evie for a while, telling her stories about when she and her sisters were babies.  I cooked dinner earlier in the day to get it out of the way but as she sat in my lap I tossed around the idea of ordering take out.  I did not. The girls then turned on a video while I fed the babies, a stir fry of sorts. They gobbled it up and made a mess in the process.

Fast forward an hour or so to dinner time for the girls. I set up a little table, served them their food, and turned on a video for them while I nursed the babies.  Two seconds after placing the food on the table Evie declared, "I don't like it."  "You have to eat 3 bites then you can be done but no more food until morning."  They each took the tiniest of bites.  By this time all 3 babies were crying bloody murder and I was pissed that the big girls refused to eat. I turned off the video and gave them a list of things to tidy in the toy room.  In the midst of barking orders I latched two screaming babies only to leave the third screaming and clawing  at the  others.  Meanwhile Josie was right  next to me "phone. Want it."  "No Josie, you can't have my phone."  She says it over and over and over. Each time I respond I grew increasingly annoyed, after all I still had a hungry baby screaming. I couldn't take it anymore I erupted "NOooooooooo Joooooosieeeeeee! Stoooooopp!!!"  She immediately stayed to cry, Evie swooped in and carried her off to comfort her.

It's 6:05 PM and the countdown is on to bedtime!  the third and final baby is almost done nursing then it's off to bed for the babies. 25 more minutes and I can put Josie to bed, and technically 55 minutes for the older two. But they have very little concept of time so 6:30 bedtime it is for EVERYONE.  

Solids

My older girls began solids between 6-7 months. For some reason I was always so excited to begin this next stage. Each time I was in this beginning solids stage I would tell myself, "next time I won't start so soon. What's the point? It's messy and nothing is convenient as the boob." Yet Everytime 6 months rolled around I was at it again, starting the solids journey, even though they were still getting most of their nourishment from my milk.

Then came the triplets. Other moms said to wait until their adjusted 6 month birthday. So were I to start solids it would need to wait until 7.5 months. At 7.5 months the babies weren't sitting unassisted. So I thought, once they are sitting we will begin. 8 months came and went with no sitting. 9 months came and Abby became our first and only sitter. I fed her once or twice at the table but that was it.  

 

The moms were always talking about the best way to feed the babies: booster seats, high chairs, or feeding table.  I could not wrap my head around the best way to feed the babies.  I was hoping some triplet mom out there could shed light on THE BEST WAY to feed them. We did booster seats and trays in the past with the big girls but I wasnt convinced it was the best way. So I explored making my own triplet feeding table, other families had done it, don't seem too tricky.  But then I had to somehow fit TWO dining room tables in my dining room, spend the money, and make it.  Seemed like a lot considering I wasn't convinced it wa the best way to go. So I continued just to breastfeed. 

 And then there is the mess that comes with solids.  I have always done some variation of baby led weaning.  In some ways it was easier and cheaper.  I didn't buy baby food and I typically fed the baby frm my plate or tossed some easy finger foods on their tray, like sweet potatoes, avocado, blueberries, etc. it was messy but I preferred that to spoon feeding every time a baby are solids.  So I hada frame of reference for the mess of solids and I was not ready to deal with it.  I was not ready to think about and preparing food for THREE more mouths. So I kept nursing the babies.

In the back of my mind I knew there was a slight possibility that introducing solids might help the babies sleep longer. This was never the case with the big girls so I was not completely convinced.  

At their 9 month check out their iron tested a little low. Their ped wrote a script for iron.  I knew I would not remember to give it to them so then I started to think that maybe introducing solids wouldn't be a horrible idea.  

As it became more of a reality that we would begin solids I grew increasingly anxious with each passing day.  I had not yet discovered the perfect way to feed three babies. I could not wrap my head around thinking about food for three more mouths. And the clean up involved was enough to stop me in my tracks.  It was too much. It seems silly, I'm sure. By my plate was already full (no pun intended). I was already barely keeping my head above water.  Last Wednesday night as I was looking on craigslist for tables to make a feeding table I just started balling. I couldn't do it.  I couldn't handle one more thing.  

Thursday, on a whim, I visited my friend Cathy who specializes in PPD.  I needed a symathetic ear.  The first words out of my mouth were "I feel paralyzed."  I then went into everything I played over in my head about feeding the babies.  She echoed my feelings "it's too much for anybody. You are overwhelmed. It's ok."  I left our short time together ready to begin solids. We didnt devise the perfect plan to feed the babies. We didn't really address how to handle the mess. Yet for some reason I felt ok to begin. Some how it freed me from any unspoken expectations I had placed on myself.  If I needed to buy baby food, even though I didn't do that with the others, it was OK. If I needed to give them something frozen rather than cooked it was OK. It was going to be OK!  I ordered replacement straps for the booster seats. I realized there was no need to find the perfect solution, it would never happen. 

So, the babies have been doing solids for about six days. Twice a day, i might add. It hasn't been as bad as I thought.  I have plenty of bibs from all my craft show days.  I bought 24 sturdy wash cloths to be sure I had enough to keep things clean.  I have cleaned their chairs and trays immediately following meals. This was something I rarely did before. But I knew if I didn't deal with it immediately it would become more clutter and more mess that weighed me down and leave me feeling paralyzed. So sometimes the babies are crying as I clean. I reassure them that it is OK and I that mommy is coming. I know that if I don't deal with the mess right then that there would be an emotional breakdown later in the day. That is my reality right now.