Grumblings

Started my morning by not turning on the computer. I tidied up in the kitchen. In between responding to Evie's inquries, laughing at Lucy's faces, and making breakfast for the 3 of us I chatted a bit with God. I even made it a point to read a devotion from the book "Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God." I knew I needed Him as my source. Yet by late afternoon I found myself growing more impatient with my girls. I raised my voice over absurd things. Evie just kept on keeping on, laughing and asking questions. While reading a book about eyes to Evie, with her snuggled on my lap, I began to cry. I don't know why. Everything is running rather smoothly. Granted I guess there are somethings in the works right now, and some things I'm coming down from: Taylor has an interview in Houston this Friday, we are flirting with following-through with a dream of opening a store, TFA All-Corps just finished, unfinished orders with Inspired by Evelyn, and running a household. It must be weighing on my mind more than I realize. I think I could use a break for sure.

So I began this post about God and then went into a somewhat chaotic ramble. I guess my point in that is that while making time in the morning was good, it kind of stopped somewhere around 8:30am. It picked back up again around 9am as I was singing along with K-love in the car. But then the remainder of the day the songs of praise and worship eventually just became white noise. He has provided these open doors and opportunities and he has provided the means to follow these through should I/we choose to purse them. So I am quite thankful. It's still a lot to process. I am still tired. I am still overwhelmed. I will still probably take my St John's Wart, for which I am thankful! The conversations and grumblings with God need to continue throughout the day.

McDonalds and God

right now I'm feeling a bit lowsy as a mother. Two days ago I prepared a meal early enough in the day so we could enjoy it for dinner. There was plenty, so it would last us at least through Saturday. I have also been money conscious, one way by not eating out whenever. So then what have I don't to make me feel lowsy? Two days in a row of McDonalds. Ugh! It's not a proud moment. I'm not really even sure why I did it, especially with food waiting at home. So this morning I felt like I needed to get up with my alarm set of my phone, not by my usual alarm-my kids. I needed to spend time alone in the morning to regroup, to have some quiet and alone time to sit in God's presence. Man, how easy it is to get wrapped up in other things. I read through two devotions. With each one i had this feeling of "I need to finish so I can get on with my day." Doesn't it seem that rushing through my quiet time perhaps somewhat defeats the purpose of it all? I know that's not true, but what am I worried I will miss out on? Why is it so difficult to just "be?"I felt like I needed that time to get things back on course. I guess the key thing here is to just give it up to God. Or let go and let God, as the saying goes. Unless I do, it's gonna keep festering. Eating fast food two days in a row is not a healthy decision. I know this. God has to take care of it. Cutting short quiet time with God wasn't ideal. But as I said, I just need to let these things go. It won't do me any good to let them sit and fester. God is understanding, loving, and kind. Unlike us, God will take what he can get. I suppose I just need to pray for more 1 minute times with him and wisdom and strength to nourish my family the best way I can.

on the count of three let's move heaven and earth!

What came first, the chicken or the egg? In a marriage what comes first, taking care of the husband so he will take care of you or vice versa? We all know the saying "Happy wife, happy life," or "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." So then why can't they just make us happy? If only it were that simple. I know there are many times that I'm just waiting for my husband to do just that one thing for me and then i would move heaven and earth for him. But I would venture a guess that my husband is waiting for ME to do just that one thing and then he would move heaven and earth for me. We are both willing to move heaven and earth for each other, but not until something is done for each of us. Is there a way to get rid of whatever that thing is that preceeds moving heaven and earth? It seems to just get in the way, cause a lot of strife, and possibly lead to too many sips (or chugs) of wine! Can't it be as simple as "on the count of three let's move heaven and earth for each other...1-2-3!" Then there is no feeling of "what about me?"

I have no wise words. I am actually thinking I may try the "on the count of 3" approach. What can it hurt?