Sometimes praying for God's will is not easy

What I thought was a short explanation for a prayer turned out to be a book...So, if you haven't heard all three of my girls are identical!  1 egg that split, I'm in awe.  This means all three are sharing the same placenta and this puts them at risk for twin to twin transfusion syndrome...essentially one baby is the pump and the other a receiver of blood/fluids (still educating myself).  Babies A and B are beginning to show signs of TTFS, my MFM is super worried now, but he is doing two US next week to measure fluids so he can get a better picture of things.  Weekly scans for fluid are key because things can go bad quickly, however there are treatments.  So there is another element of risk in an already risky triplet pregnancy.  I feel like I am under the care of two caring, wise, and God-fearing care providers.  The doc yesterday gave me his personal cell-phone to call him Sunday and schedule a free, after hours fluid scan with him.  He told Taylor and I there is no guarantee with anything, whether we go to 40w with 1 baby or 28w with triplets.  But what we can do is love our kids and be thankful for everyday.  We just love them.  Every week further gestationally is a blessing.  From the moment I conceived God gave us the babies just as they were meant to be and there is some comfort in that.  I'm educating myself on TTTFS to where I can understand it but shy of scaring the crap out of myself. 

I visited the NICU yesterday and I cried the moment I walked off the elevator. Even though it's a hospital I could just feel the love on the floor.  The social worker who took me on a tour was so compassionate and I just know that should any of my girls be there they will be cared for and loved.  To not think about all these possibilities would be silly and naive.  And there is no way to really prepare.  But any little thing I can do to put my mind at ease: organize the house, freeze food, make NICU kimonos, go on tours, etc I will do. 

The two scans coming up next week (Sunday or Monday and then again on Friday) are likely very critical.  It's hard not to pray that the numbers change for the positive or to pray we make it to 35w...because really what I want is God's will.  Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans that I have for you" declared the Lord."  And I have to say that's really hard to say I want God's will.  His will may look very different than what is in my mind, but He proves himself time and time again.  He is faithful.  Psalm 139 came to me while I was writing this.  Of course, I had to google "God has our days numbered" to actually know the reference. 
             Psalm 139:16- Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordainedd for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

I began at the beginning of Psalm 139 and felt that it was written just for me in this specific moment in my life.  And then the worship song that we sing so often on Sunday's began playing in my mind.  He knows me, but more importantly He knows my three little precious girls.  Their days are numbered and He holds their hand.  They were knit together in my womb.

I know how much I love these girls already and I do know that God loves them more than I could ever imagine and He cares for them in a way that is unfathomable.  But, to pray "Lord your will," is still hard.

Blessed

This morning the pastor at our church, The Vineyard, spoke about peace.  Not peace on earth, but peace in our lives.  He shared a story about a new widow who essentially shut people out of her life.  And then one day she got on the phone with her friends asking for help.  Without hesitation they came to her need.  They all gathered at her house for dinner on Christmas Day.  The care and support of her community brought her peace that she hadn't experienced in a while.  I instantly thought about the community Taylor and I have spent the last 6 years or so building .  I began to cry out of gratitude because of the immense  peace I have experienced during this triplet pregnancy.

 Our community of friends has embraced our family, particularly the triplets.  I know that among my closest friends in Baton Rouge as soon as they learned the news they developed a sense of urgency on my behalf.  Weekly they ask what I need.  My friend, who is in her 3^rd trimester with her 3^rd baby, has come 2 evenings to build shelves in a closet and organize my bathroom.  One morning a crew of friends and their kids came for a morning of cleaning and setting up the family closet.  They all willingly pitched in to cover the cost of a babysitter.  They have offered to take my girls for my really long OB appointments. 

Not only have my closest friends rallied behind me but so have countless other friends, some of whom are friends just through Facebook that I’ve yet to have the opportunity to meet.  A stranger donated a second fridge and a new friend’s husband picked it up and delivered it.  A group has pulled together resources to pay for a professional organizer to help with our house.  Although, in turns out the organizer wants to help us for free.  One friend has donated her photography services for the birth and even follow-up pictures through the year.  A friend in New Orleans has offered to organize the volunteers so as to not burden me with that tremendous responsibility.  Countless friends have already committed to providing my family with meals three times week beginning in February!  February and March are already filled.  Wow!  Friends have offered to run errands, fold laundry, hold babies and, take kids for playdates.  Breastmilk donations have already begun.  Someone dropped off high protein cookies earlier this week.  Another friend brought me delicious raw milk.  This afternoon a mom in my local ICAN chapter, whom I’ve really just developed a relationship with via Facebook, threw me a baby shower, she herself is 38w pregnant.  Some of the attendees drove an hour to be in attendance.  Blessed.

 I am daily reminded by God’s love, faithfulness, and His kindness.  He has blessed me with an unbelievable network of support.  He provides.  This pregnancy will get more difficult and bringing triplets into our family will be challenging.  But for the most part I have had a great sense of peace because I know that my friends and God will not let my family drown.  If you are unsure about whether God provides talk to the nearly 200 individuals in the Baton Rouge area who in some way want to offer help to my family.  All I can say is God is Good!