This is my motherhood...more than I can handle, more than I can hold, more than I can tend to, someone on the fray, someone not quite getting enough. Of course it's also lots of smiles, lots of hugs and kisses, copious amounts of random pictures drawn just for me that must find their way onto the fridge (thankfully we have several), and many laughs.
My motherhood is 3 at a time getting into trouble because it's monkey see monkey do all darn day. Bonnie finished her food so she wants more, Betsy sees Bonnie is asking for more, Betsy is not done but she still dumps all her food so she can copy Bonnie. Abby isn't hungry and hasn't touched her food in 10 minutes so I try and cheat the system and take ONE thing off her plate to save me yet another trip to the kitchen. Abby shrieks because I dared touch her food, food that she hasn't touched herself. I try to passify her but only the original food on her plate will work, even though she doesn't intend to eat it.
My motherhood is 3 toddlers playing independently and peacefully until I finally get to sit down after cooking breakfast, serving ot, cleaning it, and getting everyone dressed for school, and all 3 want to climb on me. They are no longer playing peacefully because they are getting kicked, their favorite spot on my lap is taken, and crying because my hot coffee that I was holding spilled. So I move across the room to an uncomfortable chair hoping the lack ofspace will deter them. It doesnt. So I lock myself in a room to cry because all I want to do is sit long enough to drink my coffee. I don't even taste it anymore because it's guzzled. On the other side of the door are 3 toddlers banging on it and crying because they can't see me. They get over it quickly when they discover the air vent next to the door. It then becomes 3 toddlers running their toy up and down the vent.
My motherhood has made me quite intolerant of phrases such as "don't blink," "enjoy these moments," "they grow up so fast." I mean, I get what they are saying. But I'm not sure I've ever heard a mom of multiples say these phrases or if they have they are likely suffering from dimensia brought on by this season and they are in denial.
I try really hard not to draw comparisons. It's not a race or a competition. But I have a unique perspective of singletons and multiples. So I can make a comparison in my own life. Each kid was hard. Each time my family grew it was hard. Each time I had to adapt. But each time the new baby did not have to share each stage of their life with 2 other people. With my big girls it was "easy" to not let them cry because i had enough hands and enough boobs for 1 baby. I didn't have to choose which baby/toddler got held. Its 3 of everything all the time: 3 diapers to change and they all wiggle, kick, and try to run away, 3 sets of clothes to change and they all wiggle, kick, and try to run away, it's 3 little people getting into their own box of tissues or wipes so it's 3x the clean up, it's 3 crying, it's 3 whinning. its 3 insisting that i read their book and only their book right now. Y'all I'm not even discussing the big Kids and their needs, or my marriage, or my own mental health, or maintaining friendships, or getting crap done around the house. So not only does my blood boil when I hear these well meaning remarks but I also think "LIAR!!!!!" Somedays I blink so hard and often my eyeballs should fall out and still nothing. Still 3 of everything at the same time and not any older or more capable.
Anyone who knows me knows I love my kids, love to spend time with them, run myself ragged for them. I try to teach and nurture them. They know I am thankful for them and wouldn't trade them for the world. However, that doesn't change the fact that I am often wishing away the days, blinking so hard and fast because my motherhood is HARD! It is mundane. Of course I then carry copious amounts of guilt because of all the blinking and wishing away. Motherhood is hard.
