Just another morning

Two babies are strapped into their high chairs fussing.  They are mad at me because they eat their food at a faster rate than I can have more food cooled down and cut. Simultaneously Evie and Lucy are making their own bowls of cereal which surprisingly isn't making a huge mess. And then there is Josie sitting bare bottom on our dinning room table drinking milk right out of the carton. All the while Taylor is on the phone alternating with our home owners insurance and a hotel working out arrangements for next week.

Hotel? Insurance? What?  Yes, we are packing up and relocating to a hotel next week.  The plumbers are pulling up the floor in the kitchen and jack hammering the slab to get to the issue.  They are estimating it to be a 3 day job but they won't know for sure until it begins. 

Work begins Monday and so Monday we "move in" to a 2 bedroom/2bath suite at Hilton Homewood Suites. It comes with a full kitchen, a "dinning room", living room, 3 TVs, free hot breakfast and dinner, pool, etc.  one down side to this is I'm doing it solo since Taylor will be working his 3 nights.  But I think we will be OK. We have homeschool co-op Monday, Bible Study Tuesday and MOPs on Wednesday, plus the pool, novelty of a hotel, and did I mention 3 TVs?  Call me crazy but I am actually looking forward to it. 

Between now and then it's life as usual.  The big girls and I went to Home Depot for outdoor swings. We were a bit of a hot mess, between the four of us we had mismatched shoes, a leotard, sequin dress, and greasy hair.

(I didn't even realize I had mismatched shoes until we were at the store. I grabbed the first shoes I could find, of course they weren't matched, so I could play in the yard and protect my feet from stinging caterpillars. Then while we were out there I said, "let's go to Home Depot and get swings."  And so, there's the story of my shoes.)

 We had some stares and some comments, nothing bad "oh too cute" "little princess" and I think the first worker we saw thought we may have walked into the wrong store, lol.  Afterward we walked to the "chicken nugget store" and ate inside. Special treat!!

 Oh, I'm also having a garage sale at my house this weekend. That may be a little crazy but it feels sooo good to get crap out of the house and is even prompting me to clean out the attic. Lol.  There is very rarely a dull moment in our home. We just kind of roll with it and thankfully Taylor is usually on board with supporting my rearranging, organizing, and other such projects.

There are no tricks.

Just minutes ago I was nursing Abby and watched a memorial video for a fellow triplet mom who lost her 3 boys on 3/31/14 just days before viability and exactly 2 weeks before my girls were born.   As I watched the video so many thoughts ran through my mind: that could have very easily been me.  Why did it happen to that mom?  I broke Abby's latch and walked her up the stairs to return her to bed.  Halfway up the stairs  I squeezed her soft bare skin, held her face to mine and just sobbed.  

I cannot even imagine.  Since the Fall of 2013 I have come to know so many mothers of triplets who have lost 1 or all of their babies.  Some moms lost all 3 while still pregnant. Some gave birth to healthy 34w babies only to lose one days later.  While some moms have not lost any of their trio they struggle with chronic health issues, life threatening illnesses, surgery after surgery, months and months in the NICU, and much more.  

Months ago a newly pregnant mom of triplets joined our community of moms expecting in 2014.  In her introduction she said her provider had "tricks up her sleeve" to get her to 35+weeks with the babies.  There are no tricks in a triplet pregnancy.  

My babies and I did not make it to 34w because of anything I did.  The weekly meals of grassfed liver, smoothies with hemp, gallons upon gallons of whole milk, a caring and knowledgeable OB, staying active with my big girls, my previous healthy pregnancies; none of those things are why I carried the girls to 34w.  They are not the reason I had a short NICU stay with feeders and growers.  Did those things hurt?  Probably not.  But I know plenty of women who did all those things too and then some then found themselves praying desperately to stay pregnant until viability because then the babies could be cared for.  So many women had textbook, beautiful pregnancies until one day their placenta abrupted, or pre-e developed, or there was no longer a heartbeat.  There is no trick.  There is no secret.  There is nothing I did or did not do.

34w

Having virtually no control is terrifying and humbling.  I don't know why my pregnancy, the birth, and their first year went the way it did.  I am no more blessed, no more healthy, no more a better mother, no more strong in my faith, no more wise.  I did nothing.  I am nothing.  As I sit here writing this Psalm 139 once again comes to me, just as it did when I was only weeks pregnant with the girls. 

All I know to say to the Lord is Thank You.  

14w

Add caption

10 days old and holding all 3 for the first time