A mother's concern

As much as I fought for my previous VBACs and believe that there are far too many routine cesareans performed I have basically come to a place where I am "ok" with a cesarean.  This does not mean that I have scheduled a section date.  What it does mean is if after I do everything within my power to give myself the best chance at a vaginal birth but it appears not to be the best option then I am ok with a cesarean.  And honestly, the thought of vaginally birthing 3 babies is a little daunting, but not completely out the question.  My main concern for a cesarean is the post partum experience and physically being able to care for 6 kids.  Talk about daunting. But nothing has been decided, there is still lots of time for things to change, and then change some more.  My OB and I have agreed to continue to have a dialogue and assess the pregnancy/birth along the way.

Monday's ultrasound has thrown a bit of a wrench into the situation.

The report from Monday's ultrasound indicated that the twins are Mo/Mo or monochorionic and monoamniotic.  They share a sac and a placenta.  The photos were not great and so my OB could not definitively one way or the other, but he is pretty certain that they are Mo/Mo.  This means that the babies are skin to skin and their cords can very easily become entangled.  It also essentially means that a cesarean is the only option for a birth. 

Like I said, I am not opposed to a cesarean.  What makes me nervous is the postpartum experience.  I brought this up at our monthly ICAN meeting tonight.  I began to cry as I talked about recovering from major surgery and possibly having my babies in the NICU and the rest of my family at home.  What will I physically be able to do?  Will I have to rely on someone else anytime I want to go to the NICU and if so, for how long?  After Evelyn it was weeks before I could sneeze, laugh, cough, and cry without pain.  Taylor changed every single one of Evelyn's diapers within the first 2-3 weeks that she was born.  There was no hopping out of bed to do anything.  I distinctly remember one time I was trying to get out of bed and I didn't have the strength and I fell, leaving half my body on the bed and half on the floor.  I had to yell for Taylor to help me up.  I laughed because it was so absurd and cried simultaneously because it hurt.  I was fortunate that I did not have issues with the scar; no infections, no reopening of the wound.  There isn't a guarantee with a repeat cesarean. 

I have heard people say the repeat cesarean recovery isn't as bad.  For some women was it better because they actually had a say in their care and so psychologically they were better off which in turn helped with their physical recovery?  Or is there something scientific about the recovery of subsequent cesareans?

I do believe these babies are a blessing from God.  I know that He is faithful.  I know that He loves me and each of my children.  Yet, it doesn't really change a mother's worry and concern, or at least not this mother's.

In the meantime, I need to keep eating my liver, protein rich diet, and all the calcium to keep those babies growing for as long as possible!