Compassion, Grace, and Perspective

This post is not intended to take a particular stance but to inform.  I have been hesitant to post on this topic for a long time because it is a very hot issue.  My OB encouraged me early on in the pregnancy to post about reduction just to inform people that it is a component, for many moms of higher multiples, during their pregnancy.  For some it is merely a brief discussion with other moms of multiples, for others they have counseling, seek 1,2 and 3 opinions, and for some it may never come up.  If you are interested, here is an article from the ACOG Ethics Committee on Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction

At two separate times in this pregnancy reduction became a part of our conversations, primarily between my husband and I.  Fortunately, for us, it was just a conversation.  There are so many layers to a pregnancy with multiples.  Perhaps your sister, friend,  or daughter is pregnant with multiples.  There is so much that she and her partner must consider, experience, pray about, cry over, and hope for.  And so much of it is hidden.  Sometimes, from the outside, a decision seems like a no-brainer.  But that's just it, you're on the outside.

Really, this post is more than just about reduction.  It is about extending compassion, grace, understanding, and perspective to any mom, but given my circumstances, to moms of multiples, specifically.  Having been pregnant with three children, and having 3 very different labor and birth experiences there isn't really anything that could have prepared me for triplets.  Perhaps you have had 10 babies, or you are a provider and have attended hundreds of births, or maybe you breastfed your single baby til they were 4, or you swore you would never get milk from a donor, that you would or wouldn't do any myriad of things.  And those experiences may make it easy for you to say what you would or wouldn't do if you were pregnant with multiples, particularly higher order ones.  Carrying multiples is not easy: physically, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually.  It is taxing.  It is also a blessing.  But it is still challenging.   What a mom expecting and caring for multiples needs is support and compassion.  Sometimes it's ok to say "that sounds really tough, you have my support."  Or, "I hope you can find peace with the situation you are dealing with."  And please keep in mind that all pregnancies and births are different and are even more so when multiples are in the mix.  It is not so simple.  I will end with my new little motto: a little compassion, grace, and perspective goes a long way.