I sat down yesterday and did our budget. Didn't look pretty. This time last year I would have likely had several break downs, had an internal fight with myself about going back to work full-time, and suggested to my husband to sell one of our two vehicles. But this time my reaction was different. Am I comfortable with how things look, not really. Did I let out a nervous laugh, yep. This time my reaction was: how can I make things stretch. So I took inventory of my food, actually took written inventory. We have our typical proteins: beef, chicken, hambone (from Evi'e 1st birthday) and fish. In fact we have quite a bit, thanks to my brother-in-law's near obsession with fishing! with my inventory in hand I started googling recipes, it didn't make the cut if it would require me to go shopping. Our next three meals look pretty good: broiled tuna steak with Chinese 5 spice marinade, ham and potato soup, and tilapia & scallop with garlic cream sauce. YUM!!!! Easy recipes and good food aside, I feel that not working fulltime is what God wants for me right now. So during this time we are trusting that things will be taken care of. We have to rest in that.
In other news, I did a major clean and organization today. What turned into sorting socks resulted in cleaning out a closet, a bedroom, and our upstairs living room. At one point Taylor said to me, "That closet looks great because everything that was in it is now all over the bedroom floor!" So am I really cleaning and organizing if I'm merely moving the chaos into another room? It does give me the feeling of accomplishment, so long as I don't go into the room that the stuff has just been dumped into! But really, I did manage to clean up all the messes (or nearly all) I made today. I went basically non-stop from about 11pm til 4! Whether or not Taylor helped me wasn't really an issue, I just wanted him near by. But he did offer, so periodically I gave him tasks. And of course at times Evelyn and Lucy completely emptied out drawers and shelves, only adding to the chaos. But that's ok.
Before Evie takes her nap and goes to sleep for the night we always try to read books, sometimes she chooses. This afternoon she selectd Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs. This book has always been so special to me, while I did not have an up or downstairs nana, I did have a next door Grammy. I didn't think much of it when she put it in my hands and plopped down in my lap, it had been many years since I had read the book all the way through so I wasn't sure what to expect. Half way through the book the boy's great-grandmother, nana upstairs, passed away. Immediately I began to cry. Evie, tenderly looked at me as I tearfully finished the book.
Life is good. God is great.
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