I am fearfully and wonderfully made

It’s been 24 hour since I found out we are expecting triplets.  Twenty-four hours later my emotions, much like yesterday, are all over the map: fear, anxiety, amazement, hopeful, shock, nervous, and excited.  Fearful and anxious, did I mention that already?  It is so perfect that when I awoke this morning that the verse running through my mind was Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”   Initially, what stood out to me in this verse was “fearful” and then “wonderful.”  I am full of fear.  Can my body give and sustain life to three little beings for the long haul?  Will I have a c omplete breakdown and fall into an abyss?  Will my little babies, after being attached to me for months, be separated from me, hooked up to machines?  Will I be able to nurse, will I even want to nurse?  Who will care for my family should I need to go on bedrest?  And then there are the normal pregnancy birth fears: giving birth!  I think the next verse I need to dwell on is "casting our anxieties on Him..."

 What is amazing is as each fear crosses my mind I am reminded of the other key word in that verse “wonderful.”  The scripture does not talk about how scary things are, about anxiety, but rather how wonderful it all is!  Wow!  As I sat down to write this entry I took a closer look at the verse and looking at it again this stood out to me: “your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  Everything God does, creates, and touches is wonderful.  He never disappoints.  Only God could create three babies inside of me.  It is all God.  It is His timing, it is His will, and it is His creation.  Each of my children were created and designed specifically for their placement in our family.  His works are wonderful.  If I didn’t know or believe it before, He has given me the opportunity to learn and experience His wonderful works  with these three babies.  Amazed.

If you don’t know my past birth history, here is a brief rundown.  Birth #1, Evelyn Elizabeth (Nov 1 2009): Planned natural child birth turned to an unnecessary cesarean section.  Birth #2, Lucy Ruth (March 28, 2011) Hospital VBAC.  Birth #3, Josie Helene (January 13, 2013)  HBAC Birth Story.  Birth #4 was supposed to be an HBAC.  I did a lot of research before birth #1 to learn about natural child birth  Then in preparation for my VBAC I learned the ACOG guidelines forwards and backwards, I could spout statistics, and list the risks and benefits of VBAC vs RCS, in addition I learned about homebirth.  I was rather well versed in VBAC and homebirth.  I came up against some ignorant comments: Do you want your baby to die?  That one was always my “favorite.”  When I found out I was pregnant with #3 I had already done my homework.  I knew the risks and benefits associated with a homebirth.  I knew I could give birth vaginally.  All I had to do was give birth.  That was a very awesome place to be in.  No fighting and no proving anything.

 When I got pregnant with #4 I felt even more at ease.  With two VBACs under my belt I was set.  I just needed to wait out the 9 months for the birth.  Triplets change everything.  In a moment I went from low to high risk, hands off and low-intervention to all hands on-deck and high-intervention birth.  I went from knowing a lot to not even knowing what it’s called when “surprise, you some how magically have three babies at once.”  It’s called “spontaneous,” if you didn’t know.  So I think it’s suffice to say that my birth experiences can be likened to “31 Flavors.”  I suppose an advocate has to really know her stuff, ha! 

So now I have a huge learning curve.  Calcium, water and protein are key and can add days, even weeks to my babies gestation.  And when  the little ones are expected to be preterm every day matters.  My diaper bag today is filled with various protein options: hard boiled eggs, nuts, cooked sausage, salami from Cutrer’s and hummus.  I want to start seeing my natropath again so I can the perfect regimen of supplements for my growing body and babies.  If the possibility of a vaginal birth is to remain on the “table” I really have to do my part.  I have to be more active in this pregnancy than I have ever before.  Heck, if I want to merely extend gestation I have to be active. 

What I know and what I am experiencing:

*Sunday I will be 9w and it is already a little uncomfortable laying on my stomach.

*Rest and sleep feels out of the question right now, there is just far too much racing through my mind.  If you would, pray for a peaceful mind.

*The odds of spontaneously conceiving triplets is 1 in 8100

*I have decided to embrace the added chub and not hide the pregnancy.  I’m busting out the maternity clothes.

*Triplets typically make it to 32w, giving them a head size equivalent to an orange.  That’s much smaller than a baby’s head at 40 or 42w!

*Multiples and singletons grow at the same rate until late in pregnancy in which case the growth of multiples slows down.

How multiples grow

I think I have been all over the place with this post.  I suppose I will end with a sentiment that many friends have shared with me: God chose me and my family for this abundant blessing.