Last night I discovered some bleeding. I was a bit surprised, given that I am pregnant. I called my midwife. She strongly encouraged me to go right to bed and then gave me some signs to look for. I joined Taylor on the couch and began to cry. In my mind bleeding during pregnancy is synonymous with miscarriage. A minute or two later I crawled into my bed, Josie was fast asleep at the foot of my bed. I cried. I got on pinterest and starring back at me were pins of pregnant women. It was too much. I shut it down and returned to my tears. I then quietly began to to tearfully pray. Oh Lord. Lord, if it is your will. And that is where I lost it...how could a loss be His will. But I returned to prayer.
I did not have a restful sleep. Every little twinge, muscle movement, or urge to pee I thought Is it happening right now?
Lucy crawled into my bed at 6:30 AM and said Mama, I want to lay with you. I hoisted her up very carefully so as to not disturb Josie who was enjoying her early morning snack. Not even a minute or two later did Lucy request that she watch "Twinkle, Twinkle." I nudged Taylor and asked him to take Lucy downstairs. He didn't argue. What a great husband! I was able to get another 1.5hrs of sleep before Josie woke me up to her 9 month chatter. A few minutes after 8 AM, I called my OBs nurse to ask if she could squeeze me in today to help ease some of my anxiety. At 9:30 I was told ultrasound would see me in, but that I would likely not need to see my OB. 9:55, Evie, Lucy, and I checked in to ultrasound. When the ultra sound indicates there are triplets you see the OB. It was 1 PM before the three of us were in our van headed home.
Laying on the table in the ultra sound room seeing those 3 babies and hearing their heartbeats was surreal. I laughed, a lot. And then it hit me...no more homebirth. Another cesarean? Then I started to cry. I managed to gather my composure and answer a slew of questions from the girls about "why is that thing in your booty?" "what's on your tummy?" We walked out of the room and I felt all the eyes of the women in the office on me and I started crying again. I called Taylor from the busy ultra sound waiting room. He just laughed and insisted I was joking. When the tears came he knew it wasn't a joke. I wish I had a camera capturing the expressions of the on-lookers as they overheard my conversation.
The girls and I made our way up to the 3rd floor, of course they each had to have a turn pressing a button in the elevator. As if I didn't have more pressing things on my mind, HA! I was quite relieved to see a friend, Courtney, sitting in the same OB's waiting room. I had no filter, I just blurted out, I just found out we are having triplets. I was all prepared for a home birth and now I am not even sure if a vaginal birth is on the table any more. I cried, again. Of course.
You know me, I don't go into my births with blinders on. I like to know what I am up against. No time like the present to start doing some research, right? The first article I came across was a study from Scandanavia on triplet births. The conclusion was very encouraging: n terms of fetal outcome cesarean section in triplets is not superior to a policy of vaginal delivery. Vaginal delivery may be suggested when there are no obvious obstetrical contraindications. Check it out for yourself Birth in Triplet Pregnancies
So, fast forward another hour or so an I finally get to see my OB. He gave me a hug and I started to cry. The first question out of my mouth was Is a vaginal birth even a possibility? We proceeded to talk for another 25-30 minutes. It's not off the table, but it's not a guarantee. There are so many variables that will change constantly. He will do his research and asked that I share what I find with him. I am thankful that I have a relationship with an OB that I trust.
Now the journey begins. Wow. Triplets. Spontaneous triplets. I still can't wrap my head around it. My thoughts have been as scattered as my emotions today:
We need a new car.
Three car seats.
How do I breastfeed 3 babies? Do I even WANT to breastfeed 3?
How do I have a cesarean with 6 kids?
My due date is May 25, but the babies could come in March. I could go home with no babies.
Thank God for good health insurance! Triplet births avg 106k!
What if I have to go on bedrest?
What are the odds?
Taylor is most definitely getting fixed once these babies come!
Am I eating enough protein?
I might need those larger size maternity clothes now.
What if I go on bed rest, who will help with the girls?
Would I consider traveling to Atlanta if that were my only chance of a vaginal birth?
I am excited and simultaneously petrified. There are so many unknowns. My sister sent me this text today: You are going to find out just how amazing you are and how much the Father has for you. My good friend Cindy spoke this verse to me: For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. A mom in a multiples support group said Every week is an accomplishment. I really have no clue what our future holds. But I do have to trust God's will. He knows what my days will be like, how big the laundry pile will get, how stinky the garbage will become, and how often I will lose it. All I can say is He knows.
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